I Am No Longer Second Best.

I'm making a huge change in my life. I'm tired of being either not good enough or second best. I want to be the best. I need to be the best. I will no longer settle for less.

After a conversation I had recently with someone from my past, I realized that I wasn't that important. Yeah, they fell for me & we had fun for a short amount of time (which seems to be what always happens) … but it never lasts. There is always someone/something better than me out there for the person that I fall for.

What kills me is that even after they choose someone/something more important than me, they still have these feelings for me & basically lead me on into thinking that maybe I have a chance of being number one in their life. But it never happens. Whether it's a girl that they choose over me or certain priorities in their life that are more important than a relationship with me, I'm still always number two.

I just want to be loved for who I am & I want the attention & respect that I know I deserve. I can be an amazing & understanding girlfriend if just given the chance. But there is always that automatic thought that,  "Oh, if I have a girlfriend, she'll be so overbearing I won't be able to do what I need to do in school/work & it'll cause too much stress."

No. I'm not asking you to give up everything & just focus on me. I simply want the attention that every girl deserves in a healthy relationship. That doesn't mean talking 24/7 & constantly being together. It means letting me know that you care about me & what's going on in my life & letting me into what you're going through in your life.

A relationship is a compromise. I don't want to be on a pedestal, I want us to be on an equal level of commitment to making something special last. That's it. I'm done trying so hard to be with the person that I have feelings for & then getting nothing in return. It's not fair to me or my sanity. Either man up & treat me like I need to be treated; or get out of my life. I don't need the back & forth of wanting me, then not wanting me at that very moment. I refuse to wait around for you to be ready to be with me. I have finally come to the realization that if you truly cared about me, you wouldn't want to wait. You would find a way to make everything in your life work out properly so that we could be a happy, successful couple. I just haven't found the guy who is man enough to do that yet.

.. & so it goes.