Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I Am No Longer Second Best.

I'm making a huge change in my life. I'm tired of being either not good enough or second best. I want to be the best. I need to be the best. I will no longer settle for less.
After a conversation I had recently with someone from my past, I realized that I wasn't that important. Yeah, they fell for me & we had fun for a short amount of time (which seems to be what always happens) … but it never lasts. There is always someone/something better than me out there for the person that I fall for.
What kills me is that even after they choose someone/something more important than me, they still have these feelings for me & basically lead me on into thinking that maybe I have a chance of being number one in their life. But it never happens. Whether it's a girl that they choose over me or certain priorities in their life that are more important than a relationship with me, I'm still always number two.
I just want to be loved for who I am & I want the attention & respect that I know I deserve. I can be an amazing & understanding girlfriend if just given the chance. But there is always that automatic thought that,  "Oh, if I have a girlfriend, she'll be so overbearing I won't be able to do what I need to do in school/work & it'll cause too much stress."
No. I'm not asking you to give up everything & just focus on me. I simply want the attention that every girl deserves in a healthy relationship. That doesn't mean talking 24/7 & constantly being together. It means letting me know that you care about me & what's going on in my life & letting me into what you're going through in your life.

A relationship is a compromise. I don't want to be on a pedestal, I want us to be on an equal level of commitment to making something special last. That's it. I'm done trying so hard to be with the person that I have feelings for & then getting nothing in return. It's not fair to me or my sanity. Either man up & treat me like I need to be treated; or get out of my life. I don't need the back & forth of wanting me, then not wanting me at that very moment. I refuse to wait around for you to be ready to be with me. I have finally come to the realization that if you truly cared about me, you wouldn't want to wait. You would find a way to make everything in your life work out properly so that we could be a happy, successful couple. I just haven't found the guy who is man enough to do that yet.

.. & so it goes.


  1. Hope you the best and keep that focus on. Soon you'll be the number 1 :)

  2. This is so fucked up, I hate people that do this, and honestly you deserve better.

  3. You're gonna make some lucky fuck happy one day. As Tupac would say, Keep Ya Head Up.

  4. Lower your standards. That usually helps people.